The Paranoid Writer

When Life Gets in the Way


I hate depression. It’s debilitating. People say, “Just snap out of it” or “I don’t know what to do to help you” or “What’s wrong with you?”Depression

Well, it’s a chemical imbalance. Believe me, I don’t want to be depressed, but it just hits sometimes. It’s like someone dropped bricks on me, and I can’t get them off, and I’m stuck in a dark hole.

Usually, when I feel depression coming on, I can change the direction or stop it by exercising more, going outside more, or eating some chocolate. If none of those work, then I have to resort to drugs that I have for emergencies. The problem is that when you’re hit by depression, you simply do not want to do anything, and you certainly don’t want anyone to help you. I certainly don’t.

You have to crawl out of your hole, and that’s hard when you’re dealing with depression head-on. I usually have to dig my nails in the walls around me and climb to the top. I fall many times.

This time, depression hit me head-on, and it was a killer. I felt it coming, but I thought I could handle it. I know its triggers: major stress, frustration, and bad PMS. You combine those three factors, and I’ve got one juggernaut coming at me for a full assault. This time, I thought I could handle it on my own, but it didn’t work. I stopped running and going to yoga, putting on make-up, and fixing my hair. Yep. I knew I was depressed, and everything became too overwhelming.

Luckily, I started digging my nails into the walls around me and started climbing out. Yep. I had to get my emergency stash of drugs and use it. That’s why I have them. Depression is apart of me, and something that won’t vanish. I just have to be more mindful of the triggers the next time it comes or else I’ll be stuck again at the bottom of a large, dark hole.

I’m almost to the top because I can see the sun.

The next time you know someone that is battling depression, don’t try to fix them because depression is apart of them.  Just tell them, “Hey, you can do it. Just start climbing.”

I bet they’ll understand you.



April 29th, 2012 Posted by | Depression | no comments

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